I Failed My Daughter by Staying Quiet

I swore I’d never let this happen.

Long story somewhat short, my teen daughter has been battling depression and anxiety since last summer. We have tried therapy, medication and have seen very little improvement. Like a lot of teens, the pandemic has greatly affected her, social life, education, my husband's job loss, etc. You get the picture...

Fast forward to today, she had a doctor's appointment (a new male pediatrician) and everything was going smoothly until he walked into the exam room and began examining her. She was wearing a baggy zip-up hoodie and underneath it, she had a fitted black top with a scooped neck. The doctor asked her to remove the hoodie so he could exam her. She did and he proceeded to tell her that she needed to wear more appropriate clothing because she was 14, not 20. I instantly felt anger sweep over me! He didn’t stop there, he said “you don’t need to be walking around with your boobs out !”

I willed myself to say something but I went numb and just sat there staring at my daughter while tears just rolled down her face. What was wrong with me!!! I was sexually abused as a child/teenager and I always swore if anyone disrespected my daughters there would be hell to pay! Yet there I was silent I felt like I was watching a movie while this all played out right in front of me... I felt disgusted with myself. After the appointment, she just cried in the car, and then I tried to justify what happened.

A few hours later after my delayed reaction/denial, I felt intense anger and remorse. It was like I woke up and all I could do was apologize to her for not standing up to that jerk! I immediately called the corporate number to the medical practice and submitted a complaint against this doctor. I told the HR representative that I felt so ashamed for not springing into action immediately after he humiliated my daughter.

I just can’t believe how terribly I failed her. I started to ask myself why? Why would I do such a thing to my own child? I then remembered my reaction when I was being sexually or verbally abused. I would shut down, go numb, and justify it. I repeated that very pattern today and I can never take it back. Obviously, I need more therapy than I ever imagined. It just kills my soul that I brought her in to get help and she walked out even worse and betrayed.

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